Kate Humble has told how thinking about the death of her dad often leaves her “doubled over” in pain.
But she says being able to cry openly in the “solitude” of the countryside has helped sooth her after Nick passed away earlier this year, aged 82.
The former Springwatch presenter said: “Being on my own and being in the countryside, it doesn’t matter that I’m wailing – and it has really helped.
“In that time, I’m not lonely. I have this luxury of solitude and time just to remember. The lovely thing about walking is I can spend that time with my dad.”
She told Saga how she has often “doubled over” in pain, “sometimes in company but often on my own and often when I’m walking”.
Kate, 50, was born in London, but moved to Berkshire when she was nine months old with her dad, who worked for IBM, and mum Diana.
Speaking five years ago, she said: “Dad was incredibly hard-working, stubborn, very principled and hot-tempered – all of which I am, too.
“We’d argue because of our similar temperament, but I did, and still do, worship my dad. He was the best storyteller – no one could read Winnie-the-Pooh like him, with all the different characters’ voices.
“Mum was much calmer and the peacekeeper of the family – she was the family anchor.”
The host, who has younger brother Charlie, started her career as an actress and TV researcher, before making her name on BBC’s Springwatch. She lives in the Wye Valley with her husband Ludo, who she married in 1992.
She has spoken about how she realised when she was as young as 14 she had no interest in being a mum. And she hates feeling she has to justify the “incredibly personal” decision.
Kate said: “I know motherhood was not for me and, literally, it bypassed me. Not being a mum has never been an issue…”
She added: “The worst thing about being famous is when you have to justify in an interview a decision or point of view you feel is incredibly personal and nobody else’s business.”
Kate previously said she was “missing the maternal gene”, adding: “Luckily, I married someone who agreed.” She said she has been “amazed” at the public’s positive response to her admission.